The Road We Must Travel

Know thyself. However simple or profound Socrates’ words may be as they echo in the corridors of our minds, they may be the key to every door we desire to open:

intimacy,

connection,

spiritual transformation, and

personal satisfaction

Oh to find that key!

intimacy

He's just not that into you. Where was that concept when I needed it?! Isn't it so logical, so obvious? I just didn't get it. I just didn't get myself. To feel that closeness, that sense of place. I didn't have a clue where to look, how to go about it, to become the recipient of sincerity and generosity of spirit. How do you look past the smoke and mirrors to find the reflection of something real. When will I look in the mirror and find my true soul reflecting back at me?

connection

I call my mom almost every day. I believe I’m a good daughter. It’s mostly around the same time . . .right when she’s fixing dinner for herself and my dad who’s about to walk in the door any minute now. I try to amuse her with my cheerful chatter and go on and on about this and that as the sounds of pans being placed on the stove, water running and knives chopping (she’s an old fashioned mom) drown out my verbal twittering. And then the inevitable disconnect. Being the good daughter that I am, I dig through my short-term memory for something juicy to justify the call back.

spiritual transformation

I fancied myself worldly so I branched out…to the other side of town. I thought I could fit in so I hung out with the seasoned, pretended to understand their ways, their ideals, their view of life. They laid hands on me and prayed for me in their charismatic fashion and I was caught in their spell, believing that God would reach down and channel undeniable wisdom through those earnest fingers into my soul, make me whole. But they don’t and I walked away, because I could, leaving them there, their souls in tact.

personal satisfaction

I’m idyllic. Always chasing a dream or two, believing that this path I’m on will be THE ONE that leads me to the water from where I can drink and be refreshed endlessly. I once thought my oasis was musical directing. I directed one musical after another, climbing up the theater chain until I reached the top, my oasis. And as I knelt down to drink the cool, refreshing water, hot, grainy particles of sand entered my mouth, and I stood up, coughing, spewing the unwanted, unexpected grains of sand, confused and disillusioned as I recognized the all-too-familiar desert surroundings.

Know Thyself. An unending process. An unbending road. I’m beginning to feel small, tiny pin-pricks of true intimacy. Connection is less about my own neediness and more about mutual exchanges of positive energy. Spiritual transformation is channeling my own relationship with God and I am honestly pursuing things that fit who I am instead of who want to be.

How about you?