Reflections With Michelle Michal

#1 Decision To Make In Life

2009-06-20T19:35:00.000-07:00

Warren Buffet, one of the wealthiest men in the world said, "The most important decision you'll even make in life is who you choose to marry."

He could have said that the most important decision in life is which stock to invest in or which college you should attend or which business plan or model you should follow to ensure financial security. But he didn’t. Why? Because marriage will either enrich your life or it will destroy it.

Among my circles of friends, there are two basic criteria that I have seen them follow. For the religious, finding someone that shares the same faith is the basic requirement. For all others, mutual attraction is sufficient. Unfortunately, most of my friends are miserable in their marriages because they didn’t stop to consider a few other factors that will make or break a relationship.

I have a friend who married her hustband because, “He’s a good, Christian man.” She thought that the rest of their differences would work themselves out because they were of the “same spiritual mind”, so to speak.

Needless to say, finding someone that shares the same faith as you is simply not enough. They had nothing else in common. His family background was quite different from hers. He did not have the same work ethic and was constantly between jobs while she was maniacally career driven. She had trouble dealing with his family and was wondering if she would like them to be around her children if she ever decided to have any. She cared about the way she looked, while he was a bit of a slob and didn’t care whether he let himself go.

I haven’t asked her, but I wonder if she still thinks that sharing the same beliefs is enough to cement their marriage and sustain it for the rest of their lives.

I have another friend whose marriage was great until responsibility, aka, stress and pressure moved in and drove her husband to hide away at work and become an absentee husband and father.

I have tried not to become cynical, but I wonder if any of you are like me and can’t find one example of a great marriage among your friends. Two people who are comfortable and happy around each other, who seem to have a healthy sex life and are optimistic about their future together.

Kinda makes you not want to get married, doesn’t it? Why take the risk?

I have found that the most important things to consider are

· family background

· common interests

· beliefs

· how a person behaves under stress

These things will determine your overall success in your marriage and ultimately your success in life. Thanks Warren!

The Road We Must Travel

2009-06-10T19:56:00.000-07:00

Know thyself. However simple or profound Socrates’ words may be as they echo in the corridors of our minds, they may be the key to every door we desire to open:

intimacy,

connection,

spiritual transformation, and

personal satisfaction

Oh to find that key!

intimacy

He's just not that into you. Where was that concept when I needed it?! Isn't it so logical, so obvious? I just didn't get it. I just didn't get myself. To feel that closeness, that sense of place. I didn't have a clue where to look, how to go about it, to become the recipient of sincerity and generosity of spirit. How do you look past the smoke and mirrors to find the reflection of something real. When will I look in the mirror and find my true soul reflecting back at me?

connection

I call my mom almost every day. I believe I’m a good daughter. It’s mostly around the same time . . .right when she’s fixing dinner for herself and my dad who’s about to walk in the door any minute now. I try to amuse her with my cheerful chatter and go on and on about this and that as the sounds of pans being placed on the stove, water running and knives chopping (she’s an old fashioned mom) drown out my verbal twittering. And then the inevitable disconnect. Being the good daughter that I am, I dig through my short-term memory for something juicy to justify the call back.

spiritual transformation

I fancied myself worldly so I branched out…to the other side of town. I thought I could fit in so I hung out with the seasoned, pretended to understand their ways, their ideals, their view of life. They laid hands on me and prayed for me in their charismatic fashion and I was caught in their spell, believing that God would reach down and channel undeniable wisdom through those earnest fingers into my soul, make me whole. But they don’t and I walked away, because I could, leaving them there, their souls in tact.

personal satisfaction

I’m idyllic. Always chasing a dream or two, believing that this path I’m on will be THE ONE that leads me to the water from where I can drink and be refreshed endlessly. I once thought my oasis was musical directing. I directed one musical after another, climbing up the theater chain until I reached the top, my oasis. And as I knelt down to drink the cool, refreshing water, hot, grainy particles of sand entered my mouth, and I stood up, coughing, spewing the unwanted, unexpected grains of sand, confused and disillusioned as I recognized the all-too-familiar desert surroundings.

Know Thyself. An unending process. An unbending road. I’m beginning to feel small, tiny pin-pricks of true intimacy. Connection is less about my own neediness and more about mutual exchanges of positive energy. Spiritual transformation is channeling my own relationship with God and I am honestly pursuing things that fit who I am instead of who want to be.

How about you?

When You're Worn Out

2009-06-06T18:15:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel stuck? You keep grasping onto anything you perceive to be moving just to feel the energy flowing through you? You pick up that book, read that article, imagine yourself as the character of the movie you’re watching to escape your paralysis. And the clock keeps on ticking and you keep on grasping but all things slip one by one through your desperate fingers as you grow lethargic and blah.

You try a new focus, but it’s not really you and so you lose interest after only a few focused minutes and think, “Do I have ADD or something?” And them you move on and try something else, only to find yourself in the same spot, only now more time has passed and you still haven’t found what you’re looking for.

We all have those moments. And when we’re in the center of that moment it’s so hard to find a way through. So how do we? How do we get past this awful static state that we’re floundering in? How do we find that something that will make us feel like we have a purpose? How can we find our happy, complete selves again?

First, you have to be honest. You have to ask yourself if you’re doing things that really aren’t you. Are you doing things that you’re really not good at and never will be? Then ask yourself, “What am I good at?” So many of us spend our lives doing things that don’t really make sense.

Second, you have to stop blaming. No one is to blame for the state that you’re in. No one held a gun to your head (hopefully) and forced you to do things that aren’t really you. It’s no one else’s fault that you’re unmotivated and disinterested with your life.

Third, get rid of the baggage. Once you’re honest with yourself and admit the truth, you’ll feel like a 100 pounds lighter. Once you stop blaming you’ll have room in your thoughts to think about what you can do and how you can do it.

Finally, reflect. Reflect on how lucky you are to be here , even in the static and dull moments, even when we don’t know the answers. Remember that you don’t have to have all the answers, that’s a job for the Creator. You just have to be open to receiving them, one by one and then using them as you walk through your life’s journey.